I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize