wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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