I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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