who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
