then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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