It's Friday. Sex?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
