You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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