I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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