your room smells of hookers.
And success
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
pray to the hookup gods
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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