Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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