Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
