Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize