go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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