So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
