She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
