Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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