hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
