my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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