hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
why do cheetos always look like penises
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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