Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
