I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He better not be in your backpack
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
