he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize