He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
