I want to make a zoo with you.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize