my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
