i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
we should paint friendship bongs
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
