Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
