dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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