Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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