you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
