I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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