Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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