Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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