all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i think i just lost a toe
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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