even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
