you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
