I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I look excited, but its just a facade.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
