best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
