I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's never too late to be topless.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
