Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize