My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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