That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize