her vagine was all disorganized.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
