I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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