WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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