Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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