The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
