At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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