I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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