First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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