I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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