Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
