I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
