her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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