drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
