He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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