yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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