so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
