So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
