Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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