There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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