Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think my moral compass just broke
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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