I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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