Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
