i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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