you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
