last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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