Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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