I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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