I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
