Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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