North Korea, Best Korea!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
