dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
