I skipped work to stalk him.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
