We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
