he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
