That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
