He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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