just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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